Complicated feelings
Today I told a boy that I liked him. He’s been a friend of mine for a while now and to be honest, I was expecting him to like me back. But I was wrong. When you hear the words ‘sorry’ after you’ve exposed your feelings - you know that it’s going to end in tears, for you anyway.
‘I’m not in the right place for a relationship’ Well, there’s nothing I can say to that, is there? I can’t force him to like me - not that I’d want to - and I can’t wait around for him to be in that place. It’s pulling at my heart and I feel sick to my stomach. The feelings of embarrassment, hurt and shame. I find myself asking ‘why’? Why couldn’t it work out for me, just once? Because I really thought I might have something with him and now it’s been ripped out from under me, and I’m in free fall.
So for now I have to move on. Continue to be friends with him even though when I see him there’s an ache in my stomach and despite my best efforts - I still get butterflies when I hear his name. It hurts - But I have to try.
